Thoughts on Leaving Home

I spent the summer last year in Kenai, Alaska, working with youth at a local church. While I was up there, I spent a lot of time talking to the locals about the beauty of Alaska. But if you talk to almost anyone who spent their entire life there, all they seem to talk about is wanting to leave, especially those in the younger generations. As people would say this, I would wonder in amazement at their statements. Why would anyone want to leave a place that was so beautiful? Why would someone want to leave their home?

Then I would think about my own desires to be away from home. In my opinion, Lafayette's natural beauty does not compare to that of Alaska. There are not tall moutains in the horizon, and no rolling hills covered with beautiful trees. Instead, its all flat, low-lying wetlands, and the only thing you can see on the horizon is the clouds. Lafayette had much of its natural beauty tarnished by expansion in the 60s and 70s. If you drive down Johnston St. (between UL campus and Ambassador Caffery), you understand what I mean. Lots of old, run down buildings that are built really close to the road. But at the same time, Lafayette also has a special beauty that transecends anything you can actually "see". There's a lot of rich culture here, and the people are absolutely amazing. I love the people in Lafayette (not their driving ability however). Yet, all I can think about is getting out college and getting married and moving my life elsewhere (like...WAY elsewhere).

I always wonder why people are always so ready to leave the places where they grow up. Personally, I think it has something to do with the desire to create our own memories in a place where we are least influenced by our peers. While I am here, I spend most of my time with my friends and family, constantly being influcenced by their opinions, ideas, and actions. I think so many people get to the point where they just want to go out and try to make things work out on their own.

Others leave home to run away from circumstances that overwhelm them. While I think its never ok to run away from a problem, some problems only go away when you are physically seperated from the source. Maybe its a job, or a certain individual.

Even though I want to leave Lafayette, I think I will always appreciate it. I will always love it. And when I leave it, I will yearn to return to it.

Kyle

Music

Putting Life on Shuffle

I sat down in CCs this afternoon and decided to sort through my iTunes and clean some stuff out that I either don't use or am not authorized to play (gotta love DRM). As I was sitting there sorting through everything, I listening to a few tunes from back in the day (read: my senior year of high school, or the start of this iTunes library). As I was listening to some of that music (mostly hard rock), it made me think really hard about what I was going through in that period of my life.

I have this weird personality quirk where I remember what I was doing or at least what I was going through at that time period in my life.
Every now and then some older worship song that's not in my iTunes comes on the radio or Pandora, and it takes me back to the times of sitting in my youth pastor's living room, listening to, learning, and then singing along with a lot of these worship songs (Better is One Day, Salvation, You Alone, Open the Eyes of my Heart, I Can Only Imagine, etc.).

In this particular case, it brought me back to a time in my life where I felt like I had no direction.
I was approaching the end of my high school days and wasn't exactly sure how I was going to get where I really wanted to go in life. I figured that I would end up working for some company doing computer work, but I wasn't exactly sure of the steps I was going to take to get there. I had a lot of decisions that I needed to make in the next few months and I really didn't know what I wanted to do.

I was also aimless in my spiritual life.
When I say that, I know most people think that we're aimless all the time, but that is besides the point. When I say aimless, I mean I really didn't see the benefits of continueing my connections with the church and more importantly, my relationship with God.

Also apparent in this time of my life was my lack of honesty. I led a double life.
I had the life that I showed people when I was at church and school, the good little church kid who really didn't do much in rebellion and for the most part remained well-behaved. But on the inside, I was questioning everything. I was only doing what I was doing to keep up pretenses and hoped that everyone liked me. I guess I was somewhat successful, but it left me empty inside. That's when I realized something.

I realized that I was living too much for myself, and that all of my actions were powered my one movitation: how did it benefit me?
I was going through the motions. And it wasn't doing me any good. I started to get frustrated and angry, and that was reflected in the music that I primarily listened to. So when I came to that realization, I began to make a shift in my lifestyle, and that included my taste in music. While lately some of my musical preference has gravitated towards some indie or alternative stuff, I mostly listen to worship music. Not because of something that I think I'm supposed to do, but because I actually want to do it.

Its always interesting how things come full circle...